Can i get a what what?

Today is the 5th consecutive day i’ve worked out with the Beach body dvd’s. My body feels great and tired all at the same time. Tomorrow is my last day before my rest day on sunday. I am scared I will not lose weight this week but I am hoping the work I am putting in will pay off. I am so tired though.

Definitely need to up my intake of vitamins. I think i’m really lose on vitamin d… i am exhausted. i am also thinking about going to get my thyroid tested but we shall see.

what are your weekend plans? I am going to be going to the 20th youth musical my church puts on. This year is our second go of The music man. I was a part of the first and it is really walking down memory lane watching it back. Seeing my cousin who was a wee little one now playing a big role is just… surreal.



First things first… I didn’t call that guy who gave me his number. I thought it was awful sweet, but I just wasn’t getting the right vibe and i’ve always listened to my gut. I told myself that if we find each other again I’ll give it a go but right now i need to work on me and not worry about being someone’s mom right out of the gate. I am ok with this decision and I think that is growth for me 🙂

As some may know in September I will be turning 30. I am freaking out a bit but remaining calm as it is just a number. For my birthday i don’t usually bother with presents or parties, it just stopped being a big part of my life since i was a later teen. Sometimes i have family parties with immediate family but not often. This year i decided to ask my mother for a gift. I asked her if she would buy me a beach body challenge pack. I told her without work it is impossible for me to afford it and it is something i have always wanted to do. The work outs look fun and intense and that is something I need. depending on walking or getting to a gym with my anxiety is not good. I tend to talk myself out of it and end up right back where i started. I told her this is something i truly want. I got my early gift last week and she decided to join me in a challenge. I am thrilled. We are both working towards a healthier life and it feels great. We both need the support and encouragement.

I am doing two challenges technically and loving every single minute! My challenge pack was turbo jam. It is a kick boxing based exercise program and it is fabulous! I am working muscles i never knew i had. I’m not the best but i’m working hard and sweating somehting crazy all while having fun. My mother got Shawn T’s dance challenge pack. it includes 2 complete work outs. The one we started with is Rockin’ body. I do this work out program with her first and then i do my turbo. She doesn’t like to do it alone and i’m all for gettin’ my groove on!  Today I worked out for an hour and 15 minutes. I feel amazing. My food is getting better too. Part of the challenge pack includes a month of Shakeology which i’m not sold on really but i’m giving it my all and trying it for the month! My aunt, separately, decided to do a challenge pack too so she is also trying shakeology. We got three different flavors and are sharing to try them all. I got Strawberry, my mother chocolate and my aunt vanilla. They are… interesting. They do keep you full and you do get nutrients but i’m not totally sure my body likes them. I have a sensitive GI system and it is currently very unhappy with me.

One thing i love about the challenge packs that i found out afterwards is the free gift! If you finish your challenge pack and you send in a before and after picture you get a free shirt 🙂 My turbo shirt comes in a tank top and the rockin’ body is a t shirt. I am so pumped. You get a healthy fit body and a free shirt? What?!

I highly recommend the exercises. They are fun and really get your workin’ a lot of muscles without being extremely sore. Even when you work your abs you are really getting a full body work out. The shakeology I am not sure is worth what they charge for it for me personally but I know some people who really really find the health benefits from it. So i would say if you ever wanted to try it, give it a month and see what it does for you!

Honesty moment: I am terrified i am going to gain weight this week. I have been working really hard and eating well but I know you can gain weight when you first start an exercise program. I an worried it will knock me down if i gain weight working so hard… Is it true you can gain weight when you start working out? I will finish my two month challenge regardless but I cannot say it will not make me discouraged.

One day at a time… I can do this! September will be here before I know it and i want to be down in the poundage!

A reminder…

My body is all over the place, we are thinking i may have a thyroid problem as i cannot lose weight and i am actually gaining. I am going to to get blood work done this weekend. I am also working towards better exercise techniques. Gentle, which is hard for me, but I know i cannot push too hard with my weight just yet. I have hyper mobile joints so i have to make sure i tone certain muscles to protect them. So until then I have to be very careful. I am ok with this though! Slow and steady will get me where I need to be.

I had a god moment today, and I want to share. I am not new to God moments, but i am always amazed at how they come about just when I am losing hope and it is not something that normally happens… it is… magical!

I was not having the best day. Kind of down and beating myself up. I got some stuff done in the house and then decided before the storms roll in, I would take out the recycling and let my pup out one more time. The Oil delivery guy was doin’ his thing across the street. I waved, as i do to everyone and took the recycling to the bin. As i was walking back to grab the dog he came over and started talking to me. Next thing i know I have his number, he is asking me what i like to do and telling me I am pretty and he’d like to take me out. He thinks his kids would like me. He watched me walk back inside and honked and waved as he drove away. It was all very weird, and i cannot see myself calling him but… no one has ever given me their number for that reason before. I was feeling at my worst, and really hating myself… A stranger saw my weight and my awkward conversation skills and actually wanted to see me again. I feel like God wanted to remind me that I am not what my inner critic says and that maybe I am a valuable person at whatever weight!

silly I am sure, but it meant a lot to me.

I don’t know if i will call him… it is all very odd to me.

I am however flattered at his kindness and his hard work.

Have you had god moments before? tell me of them… maybe I will share more 🙂

Peace love and healthy vibes.

Nutritionist: yay or nay?

Now that my hip is better and i can exercise again, I am back on my weight loss journey. My doctor reccomended i see a nutritionist, if i was interested that is. she said it may help me out. I know the basics on nutrition; the pyramid, the portion sizes etc. However i’m obviously missing something. Maybe i’m missing nutrients or something important that is getting in the way of my health. What do you all think about nutritionists? everyone i know has a very definite opinion so it is very hard for me to make a decision.

Some have been helped a great deal by nutritionists. They have lost weight, gotten healthy and learned a lot about their bodies and their over all health and wellness. They are very intent on me going to see one and getting all the help i can.

The rest have said it was pointless. All they learned was that you need to eat in moderation and here is the pyramid. I know this… the application however is the tough part. They told me it did nothing for them.

I am leaning towards going for a few reasons.

1. I have always had health problems. Joint issues from birth, mental health issues, immune system problems, chronic headaches, fatigue… the list goes on. I am all about all natural ways to cure things if and when it is possible and I do believe i could be lacking in some vitamins or nutrients that are required for my body to function correctly.

2. Though i know the basics of nutrition the application is not so easy. there are so many things you can and cannot eat that will actually damage your weight loss and such. A nutritionist should be able to help with this.

3. I know where my problem areas are and what i need to work on I just do not have the skills.

4. exercise is not a problem. I know how to do it, what to do and what my body is capable of and how far i can push it.

5. My insurance covers it and it is free currently. So even if it is not useful to me I am not wasting money. There is literally no draw back if it doesn’t go well.

6. My nutrition has obviously not done what i need it to do, and my doctors cannot find reasons for certain illnesses. Maybe the nutrition is the problem.

So, I am very unsure but am leaning towards seeing one, even if it is just to test it out and see. I will be having my  mother, whom i live with right now, come too so we can learn together and support one an other. We shall see! What say you oh blogosphere?

For now, I am doing my best to begin exercise, slowly… and eat better.

I will lose weight and I will not hate myself. this is a journey to self acceptance and health. It is now or never.

Another day

Yesterday was the first day since last august that I took a walk in my neighborhood without intense hip pain. I have some arthritis aches but nothing serious. Once i lose my weight that ache will get better. My knee will always give me trouble but even that was not too bad! I could have cried. I am reminding myself to take it easy and start out slow. One exercise at a time. Yesterday I took a 20 minute walk (with some step ups on the curb) and did a 10 minute ab video. Today I am going to rest. Tomorrow I will take another walk and do more abs. I want to work out every day, but with my joints prone to injury I want to start out slow. I really want to keep up with this exercise and if i’m injured there is no way i will be able to.

I need to learn more about nutrition so i can sustain a good and healthy lifestyle later in life. I am, for some reason, confident today that i can do this. Whether that is me going through a happy episode or that is just my confidence poking through, i am taking this and running with it!

i am not perfect. I am going to eat things i shouldn’t but what is important is i do it in moderation and i don’t live on the unhealthy food. This i know now.

I. can. do. this!


I have realized something. I need a community to do this weight loss. I am strong in many ways. I am a fighter but this is one battle i cannot do alone. I have so much weight to lose and I am not equipped mentally to do it alone. After this past year I am even scared to get back to exercising. I lost 20 pounds at the beginning of last year and was exercising tons. I ended up tearing my hip and knee. I have since gained back that 20 and a couple pounds to boot. I do not know why the weight has come back so very fast, but I am done. Ultimately it is my job to lose this weight. I know i can but i need that support knowing when i feel like binging someone will be there to tell me “you’re better than that. wait it out!”

My hip is on the mend, the knee is what it is. I am ok to exercise again. This past weekend I walked 13 miles at a relay for life event and felt good, if not sore. I have to start exercising but i’m terrified. what if i fail again? what if something happens and i don’t lose this weight?

what is your greatest way to motivate yourself when your mind gets the best of you?

Struggling but will prevail!

Sometimes I let my illnesses get the best of me. I wallow and worry and throw myself a pity party. I have so much going on that I don’t share with people because of stigma, fear and frankly… being open is the hardest thing for me. 95% of the time when i open up and become vulnerable it back fires. Best friends have left, family has left, my boyfriend left… I just expect it at this point. Thankfully a few people in my life have never left. My ability to open up though is rather small… only my soul sister Heather knows me in and out at this point. She knows me at my worst and my best and still wants to be seen with me in public so yay for that.

I did not lose any weight this week. In fact i gained a pound. I know what is wrong, well… sort of. My stomach is killing me, as i have been cramping for the last month and a half for no reason. Seeing a doctor about that. I also think i need to have my thyroid retested. I decided i would not let this get me down though. Yesterday was a hard day in general. I am almost 30 and since i can remember all i wanted to be was a mommy. At this point I am fairly certain that won’t happen so it can be hard. I do however have numerous wonderful people around to celebrate so it is also a day of joy. It was not until lunch at my aunt’s that I needed to use my new found emotional coping skills when my uncle made a joke about my weight. The room quieted, and I don’t think he really understood what he said, but still it hurt. I am over sensitive so it could just be me. I did not over eat though. I am proud of that.

Today i have spent a lot of time thinking about my weight, my life, etc. I’m not happy but if i lean on God and follow, one step at a time, I need to have faith that he will lead me back to the path i’m meant to be on. He is my rock and I pray he has something in store for me.

I am not ok today but that is ok. I didn’t overeat, I made smart choices, and though i didn’t accomplish much around the house (i’ll hear about that….) I need to be proud of myself for doing what i’ve done.

peace and love and healthy thoughts fellow bloggers!